Gay Camping....A "Fairy" Tale

Inquiring minds want to know....what could possibly set gay camping apart from straight camping? I wish I could say nothing, but after a weekend in the wilderness with a gaggle of gays, my answer has to be....absolutely everything. From outward appearances, you would think nothing could be different as seen in the following picture:

But unzip one of those bad boys and you will have unleashed Pandora's Box, which apparently comes with a full set of freshly pressed embroidered pillow covers, a comforter with matching throw cover, and the two latest issues of Martha Stewart Living. I wish I could say this was staged, but let's be honest, gays don't really like to "rough it" in the wilderness. Seriously, this is not staged. See the magazines and the throw at the end of the bed. And they had an air mattress that elevated them nearly to the middle of the tent. Seriously, it was knee height. This is Ken and Mike's tent.

Friday Night:

We took it easy and cooked up non-normal camping fare which was a huge plus for me because I ate better camping than I do in my own house. BBQ chicken, red baby potatoes and carrots with Rosemary, and bakery buns.

Jon and Paige maxin' and relaxin'!!

Jon

The Thinking Man's pose...I was thinking "wow, we are REALLY gay!"

We had the best radio station EVER and Jon got into it by playing a little stick guitar! Earth, Wind, and Fire tribute band, here he comes!!

Threatening skies plagued us a good part of our trip and I only included this picture so I could even remotely begin to explain the picture that follows it.....

Jon wearing a bright orange poncho to avoid the ran. However, it also seemed to bring out the dancer in him as every time he put it on, he began to spin and twirl as seen here.

A tent fell on the Wicked Witch of the East, only her shoes remained.

Ahhhhhhhh......

Jon dipping into our boxed Pomegranate Margaritas. Wait, is he drinking out of a plastic wine glass?

Wait, Paige is drinking out of a plastic wine glass too! And I believe that is a lime garnishing his glass. Another difference between gay and straight campers.

Me basting the chicken. The smoke was so bad, I had to wear glasses.

The Master-Baster!

Eating Dinner

Saturday Morning

Travis, Paige, and I. Paige is holding the sausages we had for breakfast and I am trying to warm my hands over the griddle.

Saturday Afternoon/Evening

Pre-hiking picture...L to R: Mike, Ken, Jon, Paige, Travis

The most unflattering picture of me that has EVER BEEN TAKEN! From L to R: Mike, Ken, Candy Cantaloupes, Paige, and Travis. Seriously, don't I look like at least a B-cup.

Prior to entering the hiking trail. They look like part of the Gay Mafia.

Mike and I

Jon skipping stones

Just goofing around

Jon and Travis climbing trees

Video of Jon climbing trees or I should say attempting to get out of a tree he had climbed up.

Me cooking burgers. This was the first time I have EVER grilled burgers on my own.

Paige measuring rice in one of our plastic wine glasses.

Me riding my bike around the camp just waiting for the crew to get back so we can start drinking.

Gay as the day is long.

Notice Paige's finger....he is pointing out the fact that the "Alcohol is in it." Highly recommended for people who like to drink. They were delicious.

After a few cocktails, I was pretending to be the guys at the airport with the orange flares who guides the planes in to the gates.

Jon knocking back another one.

Sunday Morning

We were in an "walk-in" campsite which means you are have to haul your crap for like a half-mile in this wheel burrow thingy. Jon goofing around in it.

Surfin' Sufari

Keith "Lance Bass" Burgess

Seriously, so I tried this face morph thing and thought it was so cool that the computer picks a celebrity for you to morph into based on your facial features. I was shocked, saddened, sickened, angry, and hurt that the system thought I looked the most like...frickin' Lance Bass of N-Sync fame! Puke-O-Riffic!! You don't even tell them if your gay or straight, but in my case they just must have known!!

MyHeritage: Celebrity Morph - Blank family tree - Ancestral chart

Jon's 31st Birthday!!

So we celebrated Jon's birthday this past Saturday even though his real birthday isn't until the 11th. I was in charge of the party planning and though a huge fan of Sex and the City, I failed my girls miserably by making dinner reservations at 5:00 pm on a Saturday night. We went to the Loring Pasta Bar where we were the only people in the restaurant, the band was still setting up, and old people in wheelchairs who rolled by were pointing and laughing at us. Okay, okay, I learned my lesson. No self-respecting semi-young crowd of folks goes for a city dinner at 5:00 pm. Remember, I come from Michigan where anything goes. We had a great time at dinner and followed it up with ice cream cake, a backyard fire, games, conversation, and lots of laughs at Paige's house. Hopefully Jon was pleased with our efforts and had a wonderful birthday!!

Keith Forces Jon to Pose with each Party Guest....

Yes, we look like the "Ambiguously Gay Duo," except minus the ambiguous part....we just look like the gay duo.

Jon and Matt

Jon and Paige

Jon, Ken, and Mike

Jon and Heather The Loring Pasta Bar Keith and Paige

The birthday boy sucks down another one....just kidding....he only had one cocktail at the restaurant though it appears he got every last drop out of his glass.

The group photo!

Paige's Afterparty

1 large bucket whose directions actually encourage you to poor an entire bottle of vodka in side of it + 8 martini glasses = FUN, FUN, FUN!!

Peppermint-ini's....ummmmmm!! They are frozen and so Paige is scooping them into our glasses.

Somebody get the birthday boy another one STAT!

Heather and Mike amusing each other!

Breaking sticks....

After my fishing trip, I am almost a regular man's man. Look at me building a fire and whatnot! Those two years in Boy Scouts seemed to have really paid off mom and dad!

Paige and I with our fire poking sticks. That seriously is not meant to sound dirty, but no matter how I word it, it seems to sound wrong.

Time to Open Presents and Eat Cake....

Somebody looks excited...

Some vanilla Vodka

Movie ticket gift certificates

A new game and Jon's favorite....M&M's

His bow matches his shirt and trust me folks, that is not a coincidence.

M&M Blizzard cake....yummy yummy!

Blowing out the birthday candles...

Psycho chic

Mike and Keith trying to get the fire up and going again.

The Aftermath of Fishing

Okay, so I went to the doctor's and he confirmed what a lot of people had already told me....I have second degree burns on both of my hands. They are swollen, red, and unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) you can't see the 1000 little blisters I have on my hand. It is disgusting. I would not wish this on my worst enemy and it is hitting the itchy phase!! Now I have to apply this cream to my hand's for the next week and then wrap them up in gauze. I look like the biggest tool on the face of the earth and all of my co-workers are making fun of me! I would just like to state for the record that I am not an idiot. I am not used to having to put sunscreen on the tops of my hands, but because of how you hold a fishing pole, only the tops were exposed. I will be used to it now!!

My left hand is not as bad as my right one.

My right hand...swollen, itchy, and red.

The front view....look at how the hand on the left hand side of the picture is fatter than the one on the right.

Up close and....let me hold my lunch back.....barf....

My cheeks are pretty rosy too! Jon thought my make shift moisturizer sock gloves needed to documented. Sorry folks, desperate times call for desperate measures.